Saying goodbye.

My sister asked me if it was you that this song reminded me of because lately, I've been playing it on repeat. And yes, I picture you with the sound of the melody... But if she only knew that this love isn't going anywhere anymore.
It stops at a closed door.
Even though you promised that the door would always be open.
It's locked now.
Someone else has the key.
Sometimes I come back and I sit outside, where there's no love to take.
I listen carefully, but there's no sound.
I call your name, but there's no answer.
Sometimes I forget who the door belongs to, or even how I stumbled upon it in the first place.
I'm sure you can imagine how much it hurt me: You knew me a little too well.
Moving on is always so hard and empty. You are in love and out of the sudden you are pushed aside. Outside and alone, you and your thoughts. What went wrong? Why did it end like this?
It was more complicated than I thought love could ever be (perhaps because it was a forced reverse in love). Nevertheless, I think that I'm finally moving on. You are a distant thought only reminded by a song or the mention of your name.
I am aware that sometimes I allow myself to drown in tears or burn in your flames, but as I write this text I can feel how you're beginning to be nothing but a fading figure I can't gasp anymore.
Your love got me to the point where I felt weightless, unattached to reality. It was crazy to feel out of the world, clueless; yet so happy and full of life.
I might sound silly saying this, but not everything between us was bad. You teached me how to appreciate the beauty and aesthetics that surround us. You taught me to hear those pretty hidden sounds, and how to stop overthinking so much. And then the time came when you started to pinpoint my flaws. I would see the red flags but I kept ignoring them until my self-esteem hit rock-bottom. 
The worst part of this is that I allowed you to infiltrate every edge of my life. You made me love you until it hurt, and it hurt so bad. And I can't fully blame you for it, I have to admit that I've committed many mistakes for which I am responsible for.

This shitty love got me flying around, so high that I couldn't distinguish what was happening to us, I was unable to notice the damage that we both were doing...
Time has passed and now I know that everything happens for a reason. I learned something after these years of getting lost and tangled in this sick love: You are not good for me, even when you seem like a beautiful warm light in this dim world.
I am still learning to go on with life, but I think that writing this letter would be somehow helpful for the process.

Thanks for being a special part of my life, I will never forget those life-lessons.


Entradas populares

My therapist wants to know about my relationship with my country

People I hardly knew but still think about

Ojos de ópalo, corazón de ónix

Mirror of introspection